Trouble, then bliss

TROUBLE:
Bearkid, you sweet bitch; I'd love it if you'd work again.
Will treat my grief with lit from McSweeney's.

then bliss:
My aunt knitted me some savage new caps.

Bearkid

He's not working. Is ill, perhaps. I'm a little worried.
More later.

However, while I'm here, I did dream a large dose of crazy last night. In my dream, I went away with my dad for the weekend to this old mansion. It had columns and stone walls and big overgrown vines wrapped around everything (although the the vines looked landscaped in a clean, manicured way, not in an old and dirty mansion way). They* filled the mansion with water while we were there and everybody went swimming at night. The mansion had blazingly high ceilings, so jumping off the top of a bookshelf and into the water meant a person would just sink down the next three stories. There were lots and lots of little children running around in ugly clothes and all the children had single mothers. No men. In fact, at that point, I don't know what happened to my dad. Maybe he just dropped me off.

It was a nice place. I didn't want to be there for very long, but I was excited for the final night, when they filled the water in the mansion with floating candles and told everyone that we could ride around the whole place in gondolas. Wow! All the gondolas filled up with those children and their single mothers, so I waited my turn with the others. Hours later, when the children/single mothers/gondolas came back, they drained the mansion and told the people waiting for the gondolas that they could come back in two weeks. Forget that. We were so upset. Angry. I hugged everybody and met my dad outside in the parking lot.

*I guess I don't know who "they" were. Mansion admin types. Resort hosts. But what teases! With the overbooking and the gondolas!

Here, you lazy snakes...let me do all the work for you

ten random things about me
10) middle child!
9) I feel better when it's raining
8) my right eye is blind
7) ...and I like foxes
6) I have a drawer in my kitchen that's always and only filled to the brim with fruit snacks
5) my last name sounds a bit stronger than I actually am
4) I don't think they should have killed Gary Busey's character in "Point Break"
3) I'm honestly still upset about losing my red hat
2) sometimes I listen to "Sara" and "Jane" by Jefferson Starship while I close my eyes and pump my fists
1) I love rice pudding

nine ways to win my heart
9) don't call for three weeks
8) you have to be funny
7) find tulips
6) commit my sandwiches to memory
5) have a weird last name
4) play with my hair
3) you have to know that I'm funny, too
2) klezmer music
1) but it's actually been done already

eight things I want to do before I die
8) see The Netherlands, Italy, Denmark, Turkey and Portugal
7) find my red hat
6) own a Dyson vacuum
5) meet Sting
4) vote for a victorious president
3) name something Jasper
2) publish a wildly successful children's book
1) put some tone in my damn arms

seven ways to annoy me
7) be Sheryl Crow
6) have fond memories of supporting Measure 36
5) decide that, because you're Tom Shane, you're just going to go ahead and be the voice for all your radio diamond commercials
4) "CAUTION: SHOW DOGS"
3) smoke cigarettes
2) be Sheryl Crow some more
1) use pens with blue ink

six things I believe in
6) delicious sharp cheddar
5) the chance that God does not like Creed
4) listening to old people
3) Powder's ability to grow hair
2) me
1) Christopher Walken?

five things I'm afraid of
5) tie- babies
5) tie- mayonnaise
4) Karl Rove
3) employment
2) life without my grandpa
1) sharks

four favorite items in my room
4) stuffed fox
3) Kipling book
2) journal
1) sleeping boyfriend

three things I do everyday
3) shower
2) sing at least one lyric from a Steve Winwood song
1) fill my belly with nice green apples

two things I want to do now
2) cut off all of my hair
1) eat green apples

one person I want to see immediately
1) anyone who makes sandwiches. anyone.

(found this from another Sarah Jane, who also seems cool.)

What the hell is Dave doing?!

I'm still confused.

What rhymes with "blow"-
whoa, beaux, snow, throw, know, bow, woe, low, owe

What rhymes with "job"-
Bob, gob, sob, snob, swab, mob, throb

Dave is in Denver to see a snow Bob. Or a bow snob? OR, Snow Bob the Bow Snob, some elitist ninja master who only trains pupils over Memorial Day Weekend. Oh. Oh, I see.
Well hats off. Good luck, Dave.

Transpacificism

Damn, it's a nice day today. Even I want to wear a halter and make my shoulders brown. ME. The pastiest of all the gangstas. 90 "degrees," more like 90 "de-geez it's hot today!!!!"
Hate me a little bit. Of course I do already.

But the weather thinks it's already summer and he's not too far off. Which is strange, because I think this summer will be monumental in the long run. I get nervous because I'll probably do some growing up and I don't generally enjoy the task of all that.
Much different than last summer. Last summer was sleepy and still. I was scared half the time, but overall, it was drinks and books and barbecued meats. Most everybody likes at least one of those three. I didn't have to grow up at all last summer. I probably even grew somewhat down, I was so twitchy.
Mmmmm. I have a feeling I could kick quiet ass, even though it will be hard. Hopefully I don't just stare at pictures of Brian and listen to gut-shanking Ben Gibbard music. That can be a big part, but please not all of it.

Some of it...
-classes at the Attic?
-I could learn to knit.
-read everything some dead guy wrote. what dead guy, I don't know.
-make my arms strong!
-Grandpa.
-develop that oft-avoided rapport with Jesus.
-become intimate in nature with the stretch of I-84 east.
-get really into jazz music.
-AND, because things look important and better in italics...find a job.

Ooooh. It's almost like I meant that last one.

Dave should stop at Snarf's!

Overheard today inside the Starbucks:

Guy 1- Is Dave around this weekend?
Guy 2- No, he took off yesterday morning to see a blowjob in Denver.
Guy 1- Oh, that's right.

What.
So many people are doing things with their lives.

Maybe we should just eat the babies

I saw a bumper sticker today on a Dodge Caravan that said "CAUTION: SHOW DOGS." What the fu... Do I need to drive smarter because there are SHOW DOGS inside? Should I politely clap as I pass? Drive cautiously because they have conditioned coats? I hate too many people that I don't ever have to know. Am screaming on the inside, per usual.

(Update! I found a kinsman! 5-25, noon)
(Fucking update of the century! That guy's name is actually John KINSMAN. No! YES. Holy shit! That's too ridiculous for a Friday! And special thanks to Tina Sparkle! 6-3, 4:20pm!)

On a related trip, let me also endorse the soapbox I use to hate those OnStar commercials where the kids complain about how their baby brother just got carjacked. Hooray. Did you honestly have enough time to like him? He was only a baby.
"Would you put me in a car without OnStar? I wouldn't." Ah, but I would. It's true, I'd buckle you into the slam-slummiest shit car out there. It would need new brake pads. It would not have OnStar. "Why aren't we moving?" the children might ask. Well, you see, we're waiting for the SHOW DOGS. Once they arrive, we're golden. "But aren't you driving us?" the children ask next. No. But this guy is. "He smells like my dad." Yes, because your dad is also an alcoholic. "The SHOW DOGS are here. They have glossy coats!" Fantastic. Let's all jet. You OnStarians in your scotch-drenched Tercel and me in my daydreams.

Life is hard, you little bitch monkeys. OnStar is just another douche making minimum who doesn't really care about you. And I hope your SHOW DOGS catch on fire.

I'm always cold and I like it

So I put in my 30-day notice at the old a p t. It was pretty unceremonious. I had a stupid half-thought that they'd at least try to talk me out of it. Compliment my rent-paying skills, admire the chicken statues in my window, whisper that I was their favorite. Something. Mmmm, no.
I guess a month is a decent piece of time, but it still freaked me out. Two years on my left hand, thirty days on my right. It's a good thing?

I'm such a buried little pharoah. My books are here and so are the nice movies I like and the soft, soft quilt with all the colors. I shouldered milestones in this basement and it was always freezing in the summer. Fact is, that's what I'm most startled by now: if I have a life, a job, a new supermarket...does it all surround a new basement or someplace air conditioned? Because no matter where I go, I'm probably too poor for air conditioning. And it's almost summer.

Before I leave, special awards should be made out to the animals living in the walls of my showertub-
Sign language fox!
Goat smoking a pipe!
Evil dragon/who also turns into body-less snake face!
Happy eel!
Wise eagle man!
Half-mermaid, half-greyhound!
I wouldn't mind if the next tenant saw those guys, but I'd like it better if he never, ever could.

Sometimes there were mice. The hot water, paid for by management, was ill-tempered and had vendettas. I think the ceilings are still asbestos. They said that wasn't a problem, I just needed to not lick anything. So I never did that. The kitchen is a complete waste of time and the only real good memory I have of that room is from once in August when I was drunk and Brian kissed me while "Slip Slidin' Away" was playing. He tasted like fruit snacks because we were eating fruit snacks because we always eat fruit snacks.

If I lick the ceilings before I go, they too will probably taste like fruit snacks and I'll think "Man. It's a good thing I didn't know that going in."

But not a real green dress, that's cruel

(Except it's a skirt!)
Special thanks to Spaz Gordon for urging gift card attendance at my birthday.
Now I look this good:



I really deserve all the attention I've been getting.
Talked to old Snorkadork today. Nice guy. Tall! Even sounds tall on the phone. Many, many knee surgeries. Also, in a high school grapevine back rub kind of way, I guess I know when he lost his virginity and I still consider the process when the event has its anniversary. No wonder dolphins are smarter than us. Clutter. Gossip. Legs.
The newspaper says it was Mitch Albom's birthday today. I don't care? Yes, let's please just leave it at that.

I love me a good bandwagon

Throw this at the back of your mind.

Jesus Christ

But I already have an elegant journal. Blue! Leather! My dad gave it to me for my birthday last year.
Italics are also elegant.